Free Thoughts & Dropped Calls

Christmas carols and baked apples can fix anything… Even if you’re not Christian.

sharkchunks:

fennecwolfox:

oeste:

misterhippity:

I tried a 2-D printer once, and the paper jammed.
So now I just painstakingly re-create my paper copies by hand, like a medieval monk.

i tried using paper, but the edges crumpled
so now i just chisel my commandments into stone, like old testament god

I tried using stone, but it cracked and broke.
Now I just scream everything at passersby, hoping they’ll remember what I said so I can ask them about it when I need it.

I tried shouting things at passersby but they ignored me.
Now I emit allohormones in a gypsobelum that bonds selectively with the recipient’s hemolymph to reconfigure their bursa copulax into a copulatory canal. I can only say one thing, “I want to mate with you,” but really, what else ever needs to be said?

sharkchunks:

fennecwolfox:

oeste:

misterhippity:

I tried a 2-D printer once, and the paper jammed.

So now I just painstakingly re-create my paper copies by hand, like a medieval monk.

i tried using paper, but the edges crumpled

so now i just chisel my commandments into stone, like old testament god

I tried using stone, but it cracked and broke.

Now I just scream everything at passersby, hoping they’ll remember what I said so I can ask them about it when I need it.

I tried shouting things at passersby but they ignored me.

Now I emit allohormones in a gypsobelum that bonds selectively with the recipient’s hemolymph to reconfigure their bursa copulax into a copulatory canal. I can only say one thing, “I want to mate with you,” but really, what else ever needs to be said?

(via detenebrate)

piranhabat:

jakemalik:

*drops food on floor*

germs: go get it! quick!

king germ: no.. we must wait 5 seconds.. it is the rule

my favorite thing about this post is that germs have apparently gained enough sentience to develop a form of monarchy

(via thursdaythe12th)

stfueverything:

chicago-shapeshifter:

sleepydumpling:

socialworkgradstudents:

fatmanatee:

screencapped this awhile ago because I liked it so here you go

my boyfriend advocated for a “chuckle” of white men, then illustrated the most patronizing chuckle he could muster and you know i think he is right
his response: “of course i am right” *chuckles* 

A patronise of white men.

A reddit of white men.

A #notallmen of white men

stfueverything:

chicago-shapeshifter:

sleepydumpling:

socialworkgradstudents:

fatmanatee:

screencapped this awhile ago because I liked it so here you go

my boyfriend advocated for a “chuckle” of white men, then illustrated the most patronizing chuckle he could muster and you know i think he is right

his response: “of course i am right” *chuckles* 

A patronise of white men.

A reddit of white men.

A #notallmen of white men